(text-size:1.5)[(text-style:"shadow")[//"i'm having a joker moment"//]
]
//a set of undeniable yet frustrating facts compiled by
(text-color:#3F438E)[''the somewhat remarkable derrick krueger'']//
[[where do i begin?|start]]when you're ''relegated'' to the background (well, wholly by choice), destined to be on the sidelines, it's easy to notice small things.
here's a small list of some things i've found:
1. people don't talk to me a lot.
(click:"1. people don't talk to me a lot.")[2. i am lonely.]
(click:"2. i am lonely.")[3. i'm tired all the time, no matter how much sleep i get.]
(click:"3. i'm tired all the time, no matter how much sleep i get.")[4. i don't know how to fix any of these issues.]
(click:"4. i don't know how to fix any of these issues.")[you'd think after a year of existing i'd know what to do. yeah, turns out i'm as lost as anyone else.
i feel isolated. i feel left out. i feel like the only people i can really know and trust are people that i only vaguely know the faces of, and that's not even the case most of the time.
is my situation sad? [[potentially.|help]]]saying "it's hard" is a bit of both a cliche and an understatement. i'd like to be able to communicate with my classmates, but i feel like i'm always... sidelined.
(click:"sidelined")[
//you could try your luck with others
but you just can't get it right
and then you're sidelined
you're on the sidelines
could i be a bit more social?
maybe speak up, hold the mic
but it's not alright
we still get sidelined
i'd try to converse, make a friend
but i'm drowned out, again and again
no matter what i try
it always ends//
i've lost friends out of sheer bad communication skills and it frustrates me to no end.
i only consistently talk to one person day-to-day, face-to-face, but our schedules literally don't match up besides //one// extracurricular activity.
[[what am i even supposed to do?|agony]]]... and on the title. "i'm having a joker moment".
i mean, if you know about my near obsession with a certain pyramid in tennessee, you'd know about my quote unquote ""joker arc"", but.. that's more. loose.
it's kind of a realization of something. something particularly unfair.
[[i am tired and alone and i want it to end but i literally don't know how to make it|end]]''end''
thanks for reading
it means a lot that you'd sit and watch me lose my mind (metaphorically) for like. however long it took for you to read this